One fateful day, a goddess within the vast regions of the universe came across an empty space in the continuum, upon her epic travels. This goddess' name was Amae Koromo. Her long, shining blond hair fell down from her head, falling over her chest and blanketing her like a golden waterfall. Her blood red rabbit ears ascended from her scalp, stretching east and west beyond the sun. Upon her flat chest lay the pink bow of a thousand salvations plastered upon her blue kimino.
As she stared down into the empty void in space, she could not help but feel the need to fill this lonely, sad void. So, reaching into the sun, she pulled out a sphere of red hot fire and using her hands molded it into a colorful ball of solid dirt and liquid water. Satisfied by her creation, she placed the orb in the empty space and named it Earth.
For eons, she watched over this small orb of dirt and water, watching it evolve. Animals and life forms began to thrive and populate, evolving for eons and eons across the vast Earth. Koromo was still pleased with her creation, but she felt as though something was missing. So, using her ringfinger, she pointed its tip in the middle-section of the Earth (known now as modern day Africa) and created a new, more intelligent lifeform. She named this lifeform the ape.
For centuries, the ape evolved until the Earth's most marvelous creature had culminated - humans. Koromo was openly intrigued by these humans, and these beings looked up to her with great praise as their creator. "Oh, My Goddess," they would chant and pray, "thank you for granting us such grand Existence!"
Koromo smiled upon her great creations. If the humans were happy, she was happy. To prevent any possible suffering, Koromo decided to create a form of entertainment - music. The humans looked up to this music with great enjoyment. Koromo smiled as the humans began to experiment with this new godly gift.
As people evolved, however, so did this new form of entertainment. In the late 1990s, an obscure musical group named "Nickelback", fronted by a mysterious cro-magnon man named Chad Kroeger, had arrived from the depths of a land the humans had named Canada. As their first album was released, Koromo had personally listened to it, and she was shocked and appalled by such generic and uninspired musicianship. However, Koromo did not interfere. "To each his own" was Koromo's motto - if her beloved humans enjoyed this, that was their right.
However, the band's music simply continued to get worse and worse. The next decade, their release "All the Right Reasons" was created, and it had become a major religious spectacle and object praised by the humans.
As Koromo grazed her ears upon this fourty-one minute record, her ears suddenly and spontaneously bled. Shrieking in pain, she molded a few stars from the space and clogged her gushing ears with them. She could not believe what she had just listened to. 'How could my children create such boring, uninspired music?' she had asked herself time and time again, until it almost became a personal mantra.
Finally, one day, when religious staples such as Photograph and Rockstar were at their prime of popularity, Koromo finally decided to turn to her humans personally. Disappointed and upset, she asked them, "Why, my children? Why has such music appealed to you?"
The humans simply laughed. They laughed, and laughed, and laughed, until the grand canyon collapsed under the weight of sound. When Koromo asked them why they had listened to such devil work, they simply laughed and responded "Nickelback is our true god now!"
And so Koromo cried. She cried, and cried, and cried, until grand floods began to form throughout the spaces of air betwixt the vast, grand universe. Feeling betrayed by her children, she turned away, never to see the planet again, and disappeared into a vast vortex and out of mainstream existence.
As the humans triumphed, cruelly disowning their kind mother, Chad Kroeger stood upon the highest altar of the Earth, and a crown of manure labeled "MUSIC IS DEAD" was placed upon his scalp. As the new God, Chad Kroeger laughed boastfully. He knew now that he could control and manipulate his new children with ease.
TL;DR - this album blows. Hard.