UMUR "Beethoven on Speed" is the 2nd full-length studio album by US, New York based speed/thrash metal artist The Great Kat. The album was released through Roadracer Records in September 1990. The Great Kat is an act formed by lead vocalist/guitarist Katherine Thomas in 1986. The Great Kat is basically Thomas solo project (and her stage name) with various sessions musicians playing drums and bass. Katherine Thomas is a classically trained violinist and handles both guitars, violin, and vocals on the album.

The Great Kat released her debut full-length studio album "Worship Me or Die!" in 1987, and the musical direction was clear from the start. Speed/thrash metal with raw snarling vocals and neo-classical oriented shredding guitars. Initially not the worst cocktail you could think of, but The Great Kat manages to fail on almost every parameter possible. Generic songwriting which seriously lacks hooks (despite the occasional recognisable classical melody being played with light-speed fast fretboard runs), an obnoxious raw snarling vocal delivery (Thomas can´t seem to decide if she wants to whisper, scream, moan, or snarl, and it all ends up sounding pretty unconvincing), ridiculously bad lyrics which very often revolves around how great Thomas is and how we should all worship her as a metal goddess (and I´m pretty sure they aren´t delivered with a gleam in the eye), and a completely soulless delivery of the music. Check, check, check, and...check.

...on the positive side of things, "Beethoven on Speed" is still a much better release than "Worship Me or Die! (1987)", which to my ears was more or less unlistenable. This time around the sound production is at least decent, there are a couple of riffs and rhythms which aren´t completely generic, and some of the neo-classical shred parts are alright too, but overall it´s still an inconsistent low quality release and a 2 star (40%) rating is me being nice.

Vim Fuego "I'm only about 200 years ahead of my time! Let's see how fast you can catch up, moron! Wake Up! The Great Kat is the Beethoven of the 21st century!!!"

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the delusional world of The Great Kat. The above quotes are taken from the liner notes of 'Beethoven On Speed'.

Rather than partaking in methamphetamine, poor old Ludwig Van would be sticking pencils in his ears to ensure he remained deaf if he'd ever heard this. Put simply, The Great Kat can play fast, but that is basically her only saving grace.

The Great Kat was trained at the famed Julliard music school in New York, as a violinist. Who knows how she got there if her violin playing is anywhere near as awful as her songwriting.

This is basically a novelty album. What you get are high speed thrash (or "hyperspeed", as Kat would like to call it) versions of a number of well known classical pieces, interspersed with some random guitar noises and pointless shouting which pass for original songs.

There are two versions of Beethoven's fifth symphony, perhaps the most famous few notes in all of classical music. The first is fast, which is why it is called "Beethoven On Speed", the second is slower with a bit more crunch, hence the title "Beethoven Mosh". It is probably note-perfect, but sounds wrong. It is not a song that lends itself to the electric guitar.

However, Kat did manage to pick a few winners here. Chopin's "Funeral March (Piano Sonata in Bb Minor)" is probably the best of the lot. The main theme of the song is retained quite faithfully, augmented by a pipe organ and multi tracked solos. Paganini's "24th Caprice" is also given fairly respectful treatment. Kat also has a go at Rimsky-Korsakoff's "Flight Of The Bumblebee". It might be fast, but it's a mess. It sounds like it has been sped in the studio. Manowar's "Sting Of The Bumblebee" is far superior.

Elsewhere, Kat actually pulls out the violins, both acoustic and electric, attempts to write a guitar concerto, and generally messes about trying to be offensive. There are about two and a half good riffs outside the classical remakes, and the songwriting and vocals are so bad they should never have been recorded. The liner notes are full of great screeds of stupidity, including a Great Kat I.Q. test. The humour is not humorous.

If this STILL sounds appealing to you, do yourself a favour and seek help. Trust me on this. The rest of the album makes an evening listening to Kenny G sound inviting.