Vim Fuego To say the reception for Metallica’s “Load/Re-Load” double-wide double-long duo was a little mixed is a bit like saying Charlie Manson and his family of followers were just a bit misguided. The meandering, rudderless albums were full of more filler than Dolly Parton’s bra. Long-time Metallica fans were confused and frustrated, having to sift through piles of horse shit to find a few gems. This pair of albums was so bad fans almost jumped for joy at the 1998 cover/compilation album “Garage Inc.”, because of the total contrast.

Hindsight has showed us though, that the negative fallout from the “Load/Re-Load" combo has been tempered somewhat by the total abortion that was “St. Anger”, and to a lesser extent, “LuLu”. It is possible, after a few beers, 3 days without sleep, and if you squint through your rose tinted spectacles, to say “you know, “Load” and “Re-Load” weren’t THAT bad, when you compare ‘em to…” Still, to many Metallica fans, it is a part of the band’s history best left behind.

So what do Texas Toast Chainsaw Massacre go and do? Remind us it was only 20 fuckin’ years ago, and make us relive that perplexing era by covering a chunk of “Re-Load”.

Now, it seems the lads of TTCM, who would have been pre-schoolers running round pulling the cat’s tail and jamming crayons up their noses at the time of “Re-Load”’s release, have more sense than four of the world’s most famous musicians, who had cut their hair and changed their image to appeal to a wider audience. In what way more sensible? Well, these young fellas had the sense to cut out most of the superfluous shit from the album, and just covering five songs for an EP instead. So how did they get on?

Well, the mournful, melancholic “The Memory Remains” has been turned into a crossover thrash sprint from start to finish. The manic take on Marianne Faithful’s “la la” vocal melodies are fucking comedy gold, and her part sounds something like a cartoon ogre. Despite the potential silliness, the song seems to work out well, with the original riffs somewhat benefitting from a faster tempo. Actually, the song is two minutes shorter than Metallica’s version too.

Second track “Devil’s Dance” is one of those forgettable ones which is hard to remember until you hear the fucking thing, and then you wish you hadn’t. So here it is, revved up, retooled, and reinvented.

“Better Than You” is memorable for the wrong reasons. It was one of the worst songs on “Re-Load”. So these guys fixed it. Rather than sounding like a plodding Black Album reject, it becomes a crossover crusher, which wouldn’t have sounded out of place on Suicidal Tendencies’ “Join The Army”.

And then, just to really fuck with your mind, there is a very respectful and well-executed take on “Low Man’s Lyric”. This was one of the diamonds in the Metallica turd. The hurdy gurdy, the soulful, gentle rhythm, the jangling acoustic guitar, and the incredible guitar work of Hetfield/Hammett set this song apart from its peers. Texas Toast Chainsaw Massacre don’t have Metallica’s deep pockets, nor Bob Rock twiddling the knobs in the studio, and it tells somewhat. This sounds a little rough round the edges, but it’s more than just an ambitious attempt at a tricky song by a band better known for oddball references to movie stars like Gary Busey. This comes off sounding like a production demo from Metallica themselves, no mean feat in itself.

“Fixxxer” was the pointless, over-long closer to Re-Load. Overindulgent in length, and a little sparse on actual content, the song did feature a classy vocal melody, reproduced quite faithfully here. This version sounds more chaotic than Metallica’s, which in this case is a good thing, because to be perfectly honest, “Fixxxer” is usually boring as fuck. This isn’t.

So... This isn’t a perfect cover EP, but nor is it a disaster. What you get here is 21 minutes of the best bits from an album which originally ran to a tedious 76 minutes. Listening to “Re-Load” is a feat of endurance. Listening to “Re-Loaded” is fun.

Note: If you’re able, drop Texas Toast Chainsaw Massacre a few bucks on this “name-your-price” download. Vocalist Josh is using any proceeds from it for cancer treatment for his dog.

Vim Fuego These days, you can’t dive into a mosh pit without flattening a fan of Municipal Waste, Toxic Holocaust, Gama Bomb, Bonded By Blood, Goatwhore, Skeletonwitch or any number of bands who were far too young to remember thrash’s 1980s golden days. While many old-school fans complain about these kids, these are the bands keeping metal alive, and reasonably true to the spirit of the 80s, and not drowning the music in a deluge of metalcore mush. Add up-and-coming Illinois band Texas Toast Chainsaw Massacre to that list.

Texas Toast Chainsaw Massacre formed in 2011, and have forged a strong local fan base by following the blueprint set out by Municipal Waste. Digest a few old D.R.I. and Suicidal Tendencies albums, throw about some popular culture references, come up with some parody song titles, stick in a few old movie samples, and blast out short, sharp shocks of songs, and hey, presto! A debut album!

If you’re looking for originality, you’ve come to the wrong place. If you want good old headbanging fun, by a band with a silly name playing short, funny songs, you could do far worse than this.

Opening song “Welcome To Die” has definite echoes of Nuclear Assault, especially the bass twanging away like a tweaked-up Dan Lilker, and from there the band hit all the usual reference points for this style of music- songs about beer, fast food, and silly song titles, like “Alien Vs Predator Vs Brown Vs The Board Of Education”. “Yeezus Saves” takes a stab at Kanye West and his self-deification. There are samples from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on “Secrets Of The Booze”, and the closing riff even parodies the Turtles theme tune. “Post Vegetarian Grindcore” is a sub-half minute blast of grind silliness, and is followed by “KISS: America’s Band”, a 52 second song about nuclear disarmament and the effects of global warming, and the plight of the orang-utan in the disappearing rainforests of Borneo… No, of course it’s not! It’s about KISS!

Vocalist Macho Frost er… Josh Kandich could teach many other vocalists in this genre a thing or two. He’s got the Kurt Brecht (D.R.I.) sneer down perfectly, as many others do, but loses no clarity when singing fast, and proves he can sing in tune or hit a death metal growl when necessary. The rest of the band are pretty damn good too. The riffs are crisp and bouncy, the rhythm section tight, and these guys seem to have got a decent producer to bring out the bite in their music.

It seems like no bastard is listening to these boys because they are unsigned, but instead of letting that bother them, Texas Toast Chainsaw Massacre have just got on and self-released this album, two EPs, a single and a split. This is pretty short, as far as albums go, but do yourself, and these guys, a favour and check ‘em out. Texas Toast Chainsaw Massacre might not be destined for world domination, but they are having a fucking good time doing what they do, which is what music is all about.