Time Signature I'm not a pervert...

Genre: Ahhnold metal

It's December! You what time of year that is!

That's right.

It's turbo time!!!!

... oh yeah, and X-mas time. And nothing says X-mas better than a wee EP by Ahhnold-loving Austrian Death Machine entitled "Jingle All the Way", based on the epic Ahhnold movie that it is named after. The EP contains two new tracks and a classic - yup, that's 'Who Told You You could Eat My Cookies?' which features the famous cookie breakdown - the breakdown to rule them all.

The two new tracks 'I'm Not a Pervert' and 'It's Turbo Time' are pretty much in the same vein as the 2009-album Double Brutal. In other words, it is thrash metal which draws broadly on various thrash metal subgenres, and thus you hear traditional thrash elements as well as hints of crossover, groove metal, speed metal and, in the chorus of 'I'm Not a Pervert', even some melodeath. And, of course, there are funny Ahhnold impressions to feed your funnybone.

What I really like about Austrian Death Machine in general, and that also applies to this EP, is that - yes, we are dealing with humorous music with humorous lyrics - Austrian Death Machine main man Tim Lambesis observes the conventions of thrash metal music, and the three tunes on this album are instances of high quality thrash metal.

Thrash down and Ahhnold up your X-mas with this EP, which with its convenient release date (December 6th) is the perfect present for your metalhead friends.

Like Ahhnold would have said "What are you waiting for, you idiot? Buy it! Buy it naaaaaauuuuuwwwww!"

(review originally posted at seaoftranquility.org)

Time Signature Double Ahhnold...

Genre: thrash metal

Do you love thrash metal? Do you love Arnie's action flicks? Then you'll totally love Austrian Death Machine, Tim Lambesis' Arnold-based thrash side project.

"Double Brutal" is the second full-length release from Austrian Death Machine, and while this is a sort of comedy and parody project with humorous lyrics and musical parodies on thrash metal (the song titles are quotes from Arnie's movies), the music is actually very good. Although there are some modern metal elements, the music on this album is mostly old school thrash metal. "I Need Your Clothes, Your Boots, and Your Motorcycle" for instance is, or at least ought to be, an instant thrash metal classic. While the first disc contains original tracks and humorous spoken word fillers, disc two contains cover tracks, such as Priest's "Hell Bent for Leather", Metallica's "Trapped Under Ice", and Megadeth's "Killing Is My Business... and Business Is Good" and a metal version of the theme from Terminator 2.

As I said, this album actually contains some quite good old school thrash metal, so that in itself should be enough for most thrash metal fans to appreciate it, but the whole Arnie thing is just too hilarious... and who says metalheads can't have fun?

DeathOfSeasons So by now you should all know who Austrian Death Machine are. If not, Austrian Death Machine is a novelty Thrash Metal side-project of Tim Lambesis (vocalist of As I Lay Dying). Anyway, this is Austrian Death Machine's second release for 2008 (their first being their underrated debut, Total Brutal). Anyway, this is a mostly unnecessary release, as it contains only one unreleased song (a cover of Jingle Bells), a track off their debut (Get to the Choppa) and an unreleased at the time cover of Judas Priest' Hell Bent for Leather (now available on Double Brutal).

Anyway, the album starts off with Jingle Bells. This is the highlight of the album. The chorus is awesome, with Lambesis yelling and growling "Jingle all the way". However, the song fails when it comes to the verses. The song swaps to Arnold Schwarzenegger (voiced by Chad Ackerman) talking about how Santa should loose weight or else there will be no cookies for him. It seems out of the place and those parts should've been swapped for something similar to the faster paced chorus. I'd like to note the awesome guitar solo which perfectly captures the sound of Christmas and Thrash Metal. Fuckin' awesome.

The second track, Get to the Choppa was the highlight of Total Brutal and it's still just as awesome here. It contains a great riff, awesome (catchy) chorus and a kick ass solo. However, the song is letdown by the random breakdown at the end of the song. It's out of place and it really shouldn't be there.

The last track is a huge letdown. While the two previous tracks are awesome, Hell Bent for Leather is goddamn awful. It has an epic guitar solo, but it contains some terrible clean vocals in which Tim Lambesis tries to imitate Rob Halford and fails miserably. Throw in a lot of chugging guitars and a what the fuck? moment near the end when some guy pretending to be a chicken starts singing.

So overall this release is quite pointless. If you have both Total Brutal and Double Brutal then don't even bother with this. But if you don't, then this is worthy of the one dollar it goes for on Amazon.

Download: Jingle Bells

For fans of: Municipal Waste, Santa Claus

(Originally written for Rate Your Music)