Certif1ed Before there was Thunder there was Terraplane, and before there was Terraplane there was Nuthin Fancy.

So, looking at the cover, I'm seeing a spanner and a couple of nuts. I thought there were 5 in the band?

Now you've finished laughing at my little joke, it's down to business with the music - really, what I'm getting at is that the cover doesn't hold much promise of NWoBHM goodness, especially at £210 - could I be wrong?

Er... no.

Don't get me wrong - it's good for what it is, but what it is is a kind of Boston meets Journey meets Whitesnake affair. Highly polished - and that's where it gets off on the wrong foot for my tastes. The vocals are extremely competent, like a cross between David Coverdale and Steve Perry, and the guitar whirls effortlessly through a set of standard hot licks.

There's nothing wrong with polished metal - but this just isn't metal. It's too effortless. Metal sounds like every last drop of sweat, including the reserves, is poured into each and every note, with the whole edifice threatening to fall apart at the seams every now and then, only to tighten up, like a balloon at bursting point.

And it is, contrary to the band's name, just a bit too fancy for me. Everything's very competent, each detail falling nicely into place in the vocals, bass, drums, guitars and keys - and that's just not right.

The bit I hate most is the white man's reggae section in the middle - very few bands could ever get away with such an atrocity, and, apart from the Scorpions and Here and Now, I'm struggling to think of any.

So I'm basically lambasting this single because there's nothing really wrong with it. I'm not even going to flip it over to see if the B side is any better...

Take that how you will - but I'd rather listen to Take That...