50 Ways To Annoy A Metalhead

micky wrote: Beekeeper wrote: My ex-girlfriend told me that Nile sounded 'just like slipknot' when I was driving her to work the other day. Hence ex-girlfriend =P. I'm not really one to get annoyed about much musically but this was one rare exception. hahahha.. that's hard-core

nu-metal actually =/

OK, here goes...

1. Rant on at the metalhead about how smart and tidy he/she would look if his or her hair (the very lifeforce of the metal jedi) were to be cut.

2. Mistakenly call him or her an emo, worse if shouted from across a busy street.

3. Refer to all metal (or worse, all ROCK) as 'that screaming crap'

4. Go on about metal being 'simple' to an Iron Maiden or Megadeth worshipper. 

5. Turn up at the local rock night each weekend even though you barely know who Led Zeppelin are, dislike AC/DC and were amazed to find that Ace Of Spades is actually a Motorhead song.

6. Dress like a goth, (if you want to add extra annoyance) while knowing nothing of rock, opposed to the superior knowledge of the metalhead, then get off with the guy or girl that the metalhead fancies at the end of the night.

7.  When you're buying the round, get your metalhead friend a little, trendy alcopop instead of a good, strong beer or Jack Daniel's.

8. Complain about Slayer not knowing how to do any 'nice songs'.

9. Brag about all the gigs and rock clubs you've been to, yet you're not even into music as such. (To worsen impact, try to sound as if you know what you're on about)

10. Go on about Nu-Metal as if it is the best thing since beer, masturbation, chocolate and an unexpected day off work all put together.

11. Assume that because he or she is a metalhead that it is mandatory for them to like, if not love all of the bollocks on Kerrang and Scuzz.

12. Assume that liking some of The Black Album makes you a metalhead too.

13. Assume that rock and metal is all just about sex and sex appeal (like pop is)...the hawk-like eyes of the metalhead will see that you are a poser in thier territory...

14. Irrevocably damage the leathers of the metalhead. (By doing this, you are not simply wrecking the metalhead's look...but his home for the last 6 years since he or she first put them on)

15. Steal the metalhead's motorbike/trike. WARNING: You could get killed for this.

16. Burst the speakers on the metalhead's stereo, if the metalhead has not already done so on thier own...

17. Buy the metalhead a My Chemical Romance album for thier birthday or Christmas. (Birthday is worst, because then they can't repackage it to give to someone else, so it stays in thier home for a bit, shaming and poisoning the record collection that took years to build up to greatness)

18. Leave a cup of tea or coffee on the metalhead's irreplaceable copies of albums that they got signed by musicians who are now dead.

19. If he or she is a prog metal fan, rant to them about how keyboards debase metal completely and refer to it as 'non-metal'.

20. Come to every party that the metalhead holds but never, ever bring any booze.

Make yet another anti-metal clip on YouTube, packed with really bad arguments and sweeping generalizations.

I remember this list from way back.  The fact that the term "w**ggers" is used dates it to around 2004 or so.  It's just as true and funny as it was back when I first saw this.

In fact, way back when I first saw this list, I agreed about the Cannibal Corpse part .  In my defense, I was just getting into death metal at the time. 

At the bar of the local rock club, wait until the metalhead buys a drink. Engage in light conversation wherein you will coax the metalhead to go and complain to the DJ about the lack of Slayer in his mix. As the metalhead does this thier back will be turned at which point you quietly swap thier Jack Daniels with a glass of pee. (If you don't want to be just as brutal as that, then just knock back the whiskey to yourself before the metalhead returns)

Okay,
51. or 21. depending on list:
Put Rap/Hip-Hop or Top40 Commercials in-between Metal Vids on Headbangers Ball or VH1 Metal Mania!
GOD I HATE THAT!!!!! (you know the THOUSAND commercials and 5 vids in each hour!)

"Very Good...............Even when they have Meshuggah on tell em' thats not Metal, What them take the bait"
. . . I dont get it Matt (hehehe, I think just saying MESHUGGAH pisses you off ).



Edited by MAVIIIVAM - 19 Apr 2010 at 7:39pm

Stooge wrote: I remember this list from way back.  The fact that the term "w**ggers" is used dates it to around 2004 or so.  It's just as true and funny as it was back when I first saw this. In fact, way back when I first saw this list, I agreed about the Cannibal Corpse part .  In my defense, I was just getting into death metal at the time.

OH GAWD

It must be

Bathoric95 wrote: 9. Record over their Cannibal Corpse albums with other Cannibal Corpse albums and see if they ever notice the difference.  I would know the difference if someone were to record over my Cannibal Corpse albums... As for another to annoy them off, mumble anything about Enslaved, or In Flames in the same sentence with "crap","shit", or "untalented"

hello!

Tell them that black-metal vocals eat way to much ice-cream to sing like that.