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50 Ways To Annoy A Metalhead

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Topic: 50 Ways To Annoy A Metalhead
Posted By: Morningrise
Subject: 50 Ways To Annoy A Metalhead
Date Posted: 31 Mar 2010 at 11:28pm
1. Tell them every metal band worships the devil. 
2. Ask if all black metal bands are trying to copy KISS or just most of them. 
3. Hide their joint under their library card. 
4. Ask if they know of any other cool bands like Slipknot. 
5. If they're listening to metal, tell them it sounds like some mainstream band. Doesn't matter who. 
6. Say it's all a ripoff of Iron Butterfly anyway. 
7. Ask if they've given their souls to Jesus yet. 
8. Vaguely imply that you're gay and would like their company for the evening. 
9. Record over their Cannibal Corpse albums with other Cannibal Corpse albums and see if they ever notice the difference. 
10. Refuse to accept their fake I.D. 
11. Ask how much Dio got paid for his role as Stuart Little. 
12. Use the phrase "cookie monster vocals" and act like it's the funniest, most original thing you've ever come up with. 
13. If they're listening to metal, tell them "These guys don't have talent. Now (insert any mainstream band here), those guys have talent!" 
14. Say "What is vinyl?" 
15. Point out how homosexual Manowar is. If they agree, tell them the only thing more homosexual is Black Sabbath with Dio. 
16. Tell them it all sounds the same. 
17. Admit that Cliff Burton was a dirty hippy who had already peaked musically. 
18. If they say they love 80s metal, ask them what ever happened to Poison. 
19. Tell them you like underground music too, like (insert the newest overhyped fashionable loud-ish band from the radio) 
20. Point out that Tarja from Nightwish can't sing. 
21. Insist that Emperor videos would be better if they used a dance troupe. 
22. Ask if Mayhem is Marilyn Manson's band. 
23. Divert their CD shipments to the local Jewish community center. 
24. Write "God Loves You" on their Venom backpatch. 
25. Point out that just about every genre of music has an underground with bands who have integrity, so metal really isn't that unique. 
26. Post under their nickname on a power metal board and say Ray Alder nutss all over John Arch. 
27. Take out the Iron Maiden disc and put in 50 Cent. 
28. Give them a spiky pop-punk haircut while they sleep. 
29. Pronounce "Celtic Frost" correctly. 
30. If they're over 25, say that people can still rock even if they have an unplanned child or two and drive a grocery getter. Then point and laugh. 
31. Tell them you're not hiring and to try the other Cinnabon down the street. 
32. Sit quietly and applaud politely at a metal show. 
33. Make them be sober for five whole seconds. 
34. Ask if Randy Rhoads was on the same flight as John Denver. 
35. Tell them Korn brought metal back to life in the 90s. 
36. Turn the bass way up on their stereo. 
37. Laugh at Slayer for stealing their name from the Buffy show. 
38. Call Doro fat. 
39. Call them on their horrible grammar and/or spelling. 
40. Remind them that metal is partially derived from the blues. Then accuse them of being w**ggers. 
41. Use the phrase "balls in a vice" at least three times when talking about classic metal and/or power metal vocalists. 
42. If it's a guy with long hair, address him as if he were female. Don't correct yourself about it. 
43 .Be impressed with how much RoadRunner Records has improved over the past ten years. 
44. Say you love Metallica's debut, The Black Album. 
45. Notice that Lemmy hasn't moved his left hand in 30 years of playing bass. 
46. Refer to metal as "that kill-your-father rape-your-mother stuff." 
47. Ask them if their favorite band is so good, how come nobody has ever heard of them. 
48. Pine for the good old days when Pour Some Sugar On Me was a big hit. 
49. Tell them you used to be a metalhead, but grew out of it when you started listening to more intellectual stuff like (insert any band at all here) 
50. Post a list of "Ways To Annoy Metal Fans" knowing full well that so many of them internalize everything and can't take a joke.
 
Can you come up with another ways??
 



Replies:
Posted By: NJCat_11
Date Posted: 31 Mar 2010 at 11:38pm
Great list!  Clap

How about when your girlfriend says that Miley Cirus is a better singer than Rob Halford.


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Posted By: UMUR
Date Posted: 01 Apr 2010 at 7:09am
LOLI love it. Especially the one about Roadrunner Records. What a lossCry
 
Well I�m annoyed by people who get annoyed at me for participating in moshpits at metal concerts. So I guess a sentence like this would pretty much piss me off: "please stand still I�m trying to enjoy the music" It�s muscle, sweat and a little good friendly violence and people who don�t understand that part of ( well especially extreme metal cultures) just don�t belong at extreme metal shows. Go to the back and enjoy the music if you�re afraid to get hurt.


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Posted By: angelmk
Date Posted: 01 Apr 2010 at 8:24am
funny list, especialy 47.''Ask them if their favorite band is so good, how come nobody has ever heard of them''.LOL. It happend to me on few occasions. Number 4 is realy annoying, yeah, very good way to piss off a metalhead indeed Big smile 



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www.last.fm/user/angelmk


Posted By: Balthamel
Date Posted: 01 Apr 2010 at 8:44am
"8. Vaguely imply that you're gay and would like their company for the evening."

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_xQdqBThnwnE/SQozSJcyldI/AAAAAAAAAm0/Ek9cwhFPVws/s400/gorgoroth01.jpg

^ like him the vocalist in Gorgoroth


Posted By: CCVP
Date Posted: 01 Apr 2010 at 8:48am
Originally posted by UMUR UMUR wrote:

LOLI love it. Especially the one about Roadrunner Records. What a lossCry
 
Well I�m annoyed by people who get annoyed at me for participating in moshpits at metal concerts. So I guess a sentence like this would pretty much piss me off: "please stand still I�m trying to enjoy the music" It�s muscle, sweat and a little good friendly violence and people who don�t understand that part of ( well especially extreme metal cultures) just don�t belong at extreme metal shows. Go to the back and enjoy the music if you�re afraid to get hurt.
 
Jonas, there are mosh pits and MOSH PITS. When I went to see Sepultura last year when they played in my town, they played in a big school stadium. The show was quite big (Mindflow and Angra played before them) and there were different kind of people in different parts of the show. During the presentation of the first two bands I was able to see them play quite confortably right in front of the stage. Predicting something would go on, right after they started to play I moved to the bleachers. Not much after that, the whole floor of the stadium became a huge mosh pit. Over a thousand people moshing through the whole 2 hours.
 
Not that I don't like them, it's just that big ones scare me do death LOL .


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Posted By: CCVP
Date Posted: 01 Apr 2010 at 9:12am
51 - Miley Cyrus writes better metal lyrics that every metal band ever
 


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Posted By: The T 666
Date Posted: 01 Apr 2010 at 12:34pm
Originally posted by NJCat_11 NJCat_11 wrote:

Great list!  Clap

How about when your girlfriend says that Miley Cirus is a better singer than Rob Halford.
 
Isn't she? Stern Smile She was a mentor in American idol... When has Halford been a mentor for anybody??? Angry
 
Tongue


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Posted By: NJCat_11
Date Posted: 01 Apr 2010 at 12:39pm
Originally posted by The T 666 The T 666 wrote:

Originally posted by NJCat_11 NJCat_11 wrote:

Great list!  Clap

How about when your girlfriend says that Miley Cirus is a better singer than Rob Halford.
When has Halford been a mentor for anybody??? Angry
 
Tongue


Only for about 35 years in every country around the world!  LOL


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Posted By: Matt
Date Posted: 01 Apr 2010 at 1:55pm
Very Good...............Even when they have Meshuggah on tell em' thats not Metal,Wink What them take the baitLOL

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Matt


Posted By: DeathOfSeasons
Date Posted: 02 Apr 2010 at 6:46am
The one thing that annoys me the most is when people call Metal music Screamo because of harsh vocals. Really, do Shade Empire sound like frickin' Shikari to you? Wink


Posted By: Raff
Date Posted: 02 Apr 2010 at 7:02am
Now that we have opened the legendary Just for Fun section, I think this thread will sit even better thereWink.


Posted By: MovingPictures07
Date Posted: 02 Apr 2010 at 8:43am
Originally posted by UMUR UMUR wrote:

LOLI love it. Especially the one about Roadrunner Records. What a lossCry
 
Well I�m annoyed by people who get annoyed at me for participating in moshpits at metal concerts. So I guess a sentence like this would pretty much piss me off: "please stand still I�m trying to enjoy the music" It�s muscle, sweat and a little good friendly violence and people who don�t understand that part of ( well especially extreme metal cultures) just don�t belong at extreme metal shows. Go to the back and enjoy the music if you�re afraid to get hurt.


It's funny you think that, because I lost part of my enjoyment at an Opeth concert because people were moshing. I absolutely can't stand it. You're supposed to go to a concert to enjoy the live experience (the focus being the music), not beat the sh*t out of other people.

I feel just as strongly about it, only in the opposite direction. Wink


Posted By: topofsm
Date Posted: 02 Apr 2010 at 12:06pm
Originally posted by DeathOfSeasons DeathOfSeasons wrote:

The one thing that annoys me the most is when people call Metal music Screamo because of harsh vocals. Really, do Shade Empire sound like frickin' Shikari to you? Wink
 
That pisses me off too. It really sucks when you have to explain it to people that it's metal, not screamo. Sometimes the bands aren't even screaming, they're probably doing more of a death growl.
 
The opposite also pisses me off, when screamo bands are called metal Wink


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Lost respect for these archives when I saw Creed added, among other bands. Not going to be foruming here anymore. You can keep my reviews if you want.


Posted By: micky
Date Posted: 03 Apr 2010 at 7:41am
hahhaah... great list Clap


Posted By: Black Flag
Date Posted: 03 Apr 2010 at 9:37am
1 thru 50 ... jethro tull


Posted By: micky
Date Posted: 03 Apr 2010 at 11:18am
Originally posted by Black Flag Black Flag wrote:

1 thru 50 ... jethro tull


haha.. yeah...

51. Remind a metalhead that Jethro Tull a Grammy over Metallica... not in the 'most pretentious' category.. but metal performance LOL


Posted By: Metalbaswee
Date Posted: 03 Apr 2010 at 11:24am
52. When people tell you to go and cut yourself like some sort of emo kid.

Metal =/= Emo.

Emo's are looking for attention most of the times (Atleast the ones on my school) Headbanging metalheads are always having fun and are some of the most accepting people in the world imo.


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Posted By: PROGMAN
Date Posted: 03 Apr 2010 at 11:40am
True quotations from some other parents I knew, Not mine BTWStern Smile:

"I feel like I'm on drugs after that" (refering to Nirvana's "You Know you're Right") WackoClown
"Ahhh that's nice track, is is called Silence?" (after the song finishes) LOL

Turns out they hate heavy metal, Nirvana heavy metal??  They think so anyway LOL


Posted By: Beekeeper
Date Posted: 08 Apr 2010 at 11:40pm
My ex-girlfriend told me that Nile sounded 'just like slipknot' when I was driving her to work the other day. Hence ex-girlfriend =P.

I'm not really one to get annoyed about much musically but this was one rare exception.


Posted By: micky
Date Posted: 09 Apr 2010 at 6:33am
Originally posted by Beekeeper Beekeeper wrote:

My ex-girlfriend told me that Nile sounded 'just like slipknot' when I was driving her to work the other day. Hence ex-girlfriend =P.

I'm not really one to get annoyed about much musically but this was one rare exception.


hahahha.. that's hard-core LOL


Posted By: Beekeeper
Date Posted: 11 Apr 2010 at 7:01am
Originally posted by micky micky wrote:

Originally posted by Beekeeper Beekeeper wrote:

My ex-girlfriend told me that Nile sounded 'just like slipknot' when I was driving her to work the other day. Hence ex-girlfriend =P.

I'm not really one to get annoyed about much musically but this was one rare exception.


hahahha.. that's hard-core LOL


nu-metal actually =/


Posted By: micky
Date Posted: 11 Apr 2010 at 7:49am
Originally posted by Beekeeper Beekeeper wrote:

Originally posted by micky micky wrote:

Originally posted by Beekeeper Beekeeper wrote:

My ex-girlfriend told me that Nile sounded 'just like slipknot' when I was driving her to work the other day. Hence ex-girlfriend =P.

I'm not really one to get annoyed about much musically but this was one rare exception.


hahahha.. that's hard-core LOL


nu-metal actually =/


emo???  LOL


Posted By: FusionKing
Date Posted: 11 Apr 2010 at 12:17pm
OK, here goes...
1. Rant on at the metalhead about how smart and tidy he/she would look if his or her hair (the very lifeforce of the metal jedi) were to be cut.
2. Mistakenly call him or her an emo, worse if shouted from across a busy street.
3. Refer to all metal (or worse, all ROCK) as 'that screaming crap'
4. Go on about metal being 'simple' to an Iron Maiden or Megadeth worshipper. 
5. Turn up at the local rock night each weekend even though you barely know who Led Zeppelin are, dislike AC/DC and were amazed to find that Ace Of Spades is actually a Motorhead song.
6. Dress like a goth, (if you want to add extra annoyance) while knowing nothing of rock, opposed to the superior knowledge of the metalhead, then get off with the guy or girl that the metalhead fancies at the end of the night.
7.  When you're buying the round, get your metalhead friend a little, trendy alcopop instead of a good, strong beer or Jack Daniel's.
8. Complain about Slayer not knowing how to do any 'nice songs'.
9. Brag about all the gigs and rock clubs you've been to, yet you're not even into music as such. (To worsen impact, try to sound as if you know what you're on about)
10. Go on about Nu-Metal as if it is the best thing since beer, masturbation, chocolate and an unexpected day off work all put together.
11. Assume that because he or she is a metalhead that it is mandatory for them to like, if not love all of the bollocks on Kerrang and Scuzz.
12. Assume that liking some of The Black Album makes you a metalhead too.
13. Assume that rock and metal is all just about sex and sex appeal (like pop is)...the hawk-like eyes of the metalhead will see that you are a poser in thier territory...
14. Irrevocably damage the leathers of the metalhead. (By doing this, you are not simply wrecking the metalhead's look...but his home for the last 6 years since he or she first put them on)
15. Steal the metalhead's motorbike/trike. WARNING: You could get killed for this.
16. Burst the speakers on the metalhead's stereo, if the metalhead has not already done so on thier own...
17. Buy the metalhead a My Chemical Romance album for thier birthday or Christmas. (Birthday is worst, because then they can't repackage it to give to someone else, so it stays in thier home for a bit, shaming and poisoning the record collection that took years to build up to greatness)
18. Leave a cup of tea or coffee on the metalhead's irreplaceable copies of albums that they got signed by musicians who are now dead.
19. If he or she is a prog metal fan, rant to them about how keyboards debase metal completely and refer to it as 'non-metal'.
20. Come to every party that the metalhead holds but never, ever bring any booze.


Posted By: micky
Date Posted: 11 Apr 2010 at 1:28pm
hahhaha....  that deserves some clappies

here's some clappies I have laying around

 ClapClap


Posted By: Time Signature
Date Posted: 11 Apr 2010 at 1:37pm
Make yet another anti-metal clip on YouTube, packed with really bad arguments and sweeping generalizations.

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Posted By: The Pessimist
Date Posted: 11 Apr 2010 at 7:51pm
I've got a couple:

1. Talk about Dream Theater
2. Say that Job For A Cowboy are brutal
3. Put his guitar in standard tuning
4. Say that the "singing" in Extreme Metal is sh*t


Posted By: Stooge
Date Posted: 11 Apr 2010 at 11:21pm
I remember this list from way back.  The fact that the term "w**ggers" is used dates it to around 2004 or so.  It's just as true and funny as it was back when I first saw this.

In fact, way back when I first saw this list, I agreed about the Cannibal Corpse part Embarrassed.  In my defense, I was just getting into death metal at the time. 


Posted By: topofsm
Date Posted: 12 Apr 2010 at 1:56am
If a band does death growls, complain about the screaming. If a band does black metal screaming, refer it to growls. If the band does both, just complain that the band has no talent because nobody can sing. If there's singing in the music, just say it doesn't sound as good as the Jonas Brothers.

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Lost respect for these archives when I saw Creed added, among other bands. Not going to be foruming here anymore. You can keep my reviews if you want.


Posted By: FusionKing
Date Posted: 19 Apr 2010 at 7:04pm
At the bar of the local rock club, wait until the metalhead buys a drink. Engage in light conversation wherein you will coax the metalhead to go and complain to the DJ about the lack of Slayer in his mix. As the metalhead does this thier back will be turned at which point you quietly swap thier Jack Daniels with a glass of pee. (If you don't want to be just as brutal as that, then just knock back the whiskey to yourself before the metalhead returns)
THEN...just wait...


Posted By: J-Man
Date Posted: 19 Apr 2010 at 7:11pm
Saying "Britney Spears is extreme metal! Just look at this youtube video!"




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Posted By: MAVIIIVAM
Date Posted: 19 Apr 2010 at 7:31pm
Okay,
51. or 21. depending on list:
Put Rap/Hip-Hop or Top40 Commercials in-between Metal Vids on Headbangers Ball or VH1 Metal Mania!
GOD I HATE THAT!!!!! Angry LOL (you know the THOUSAND commercials and 5 vids in each hour!)

"Very Good...............Even when they have Meshuggah on tell em' thats not Metal,Wink What them take the baitLOL"
. . . I dont get it Matt Ermm (hehehe, I think just saying MESHUGGAH pisses you off LOL).



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"If you're happy to be an Ant in the Sand Box, you're welcome to it!" -Forbidden

For Progressive Metal and Prog Rock, come visit, request songs and explore at PrOgulus.com


Posted By: Phonebook Eater
Date Posted: 21 Apr 2010 at 1:57pm
I probably did or say at least 30 things in this list that made my metalhead friend get pissedLOLLOL




Posted By: elder08
Date Posted: 21 Apr 2010 at 2:00pm
Originally posted by Stooge Stooge wrote:

I remember this list from way back.  The fact that the term "w**ggers" is used dates it to around 2004 or so.  It's just as true and funny as it was back when I first saw this.

In fact, way back when I first saw this list, I agreed about the Cannibal Corpse part Embarrassed.  In my defense, I was just getting into death metal at the time. 
OH GAWD
jkjk
On KILL every song sounds the same lol LOL but with the newer albums they have some very differing songs


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I scrolled through the offended page and listened to cannibal corpse while masturbating.-elder08


Posted By: AtomicCrimsonRush
Date Posted: 08 Jun 2010 at 2:14am
Stalk metal forums and annoy people by posting your sig over and over thusly
 
 
 
 
LOL My metal head avatar is appropriate for this forum dont u think?
 
AvatarAvatarAvatarAvatarAvatarAvatarAvatarAvatar
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that has to be annoying


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GLAM METAL!


Posted By: AtomicCrimsonRush
Date Posted: 21 Jul 2010 at 8:48am
It must be
 
 
nobody else is posting


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GLAM METAL!


Posted By: Bathoric95
Date Posted: 07 Nov 2010 at 10:26am
9. Record over their Cannibal Corpse albums with other Cannibal Corpse albums and see if they ever notice the difference. 
I would know the difference if someone were to record over my Cannibal Corpse albums...

As for another to annoy them off, mumble anything about Enslaved, or In Flames in the same sentence with "crap","shit", or "untalented"



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"Who ever appeals to the law against his fellow man is either a fool, or a coward. Who ever can not take care of himself without that law is both." Omerta.


Posted By: AtomicCrimsonRush
Date Posted: 22 Nov 2010 at 6:55am
Originally posted by Bathoric95 Bathoric95 wrote:

9. Record over their Cannibal Corpse albums with other Cannibal Corpse albums and see if they ever notice the difference. 
I would know the difference if someone were to record over my Cannibal Corpse albums...

As for another to annoy them off, mumble anything about Enslaved, or In Flames in the same sentence with "crap","shit", or "untalented"

hello!
 
Nice avatar
 
Is that you?
 
not often to meet a girl into extreme metal
 
My preference is Prog metal
 
anyway annoying things to annoy a metalhead.... young girls who hate metal and listen to Justin Bieber or Britney Spears.


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GLAM METAL!


Posted By: Any Colour You Like
Date Posted: 24 Nov 2010 at 12:24am
Numbers 1 though to 50.

- Profess your love for metal, then add the prefix glam or nu to said metal.


Posted By: spitf1r3
Date Posted: 22 Dec 2010 at 12:31pm
Tell them that black-metal vocals eat way to much ice-cream to sing like that.


Posted By: captain_cat
Date Posted: 07 Jan 2011 at 1:30pm
Originally posted by Beekeeper Beekeeper wrote:

My ex-girlfriend told me that Nile sounded 'just like slipknot' when I was driving her to work the other day. Hence ex-girlfriend =P.

I'm not really one to get annoyed about much musically but this was one rare exception.


haha thats awesome.

53. "I didn't know cookie monster was in a band..."


Posted By: The Block
Date Posted: 08 Jan 2011 at 5:18pm
^LOL
I know someone who says that


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Posted By: J-Man
Date Posted: 08 Jan 2011 at 5:49pm
^ My dad? TongueLOL

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Check out my YouTube channel! http://www.youtube.com/user/demiseoftime" rel="nofollow - http://www.youtube.com/user/demiseoftime


Posted By: The Block
Date Posted: 08 Jan 2011 at 10:16pm

Yep



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Posted By: SKwid
Date Posted: 09 Jan 2011 at 2:26am
Originally posted by Beekeeper Beekeeper wrote:

My ex-girlfriend told me that Nile sounded 'just like slipknot' when I was driving her to work the other day. Hence ex-girlfriend =P.



You have done well......
Cool


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Posted By: J-Man
Date Posted: 09 Jan 2011 at 8:11am
I've been told a few times that "death metal is the same thing as screamo"....

I said there's a key difference between the two - death metal doesn't inherently suck.


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Check out my YouTube channel! http://www.youtube.com/user/demiseoftime" rel="nofollow - http://www.youtube.com/user/demiseoftime


Posted By: UMUR
Date Posted: 09 Jan 2011 at 8:30am
^LOL Great one Jeff!

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Posted By: Bathoric95
Date Posted: 11 Jan 2011 at 7:35am
Ah, fuck! my sister does the majority of these things to me. But I laugh. Because she enjoys listening to all that 'generic' bullshit... Such as Shitknot. Censored
These those are quite enjoyable.

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"Who ever appeals to the law against his fellow man is either a fool, or a coward. Who ever can not take care of himself without that law is both." Omerta.


Posted By: J-Man
Date Posted: 11 Jan 2011 at 2:58pm
^ Ah you have it pretty good. My sister's listening habits trend towards Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, Lady Gaga, and Ke$ha. I'd take Slipknot over that any day. Tongue

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Check out my YouTube channel! http://www.youtube.com/user/demiseoftime" rel="nofollow - http://www.youtube.com/user/demiseoftime


Posted By: Triceratopsoil
Date Posted: 11 Jan 2011 at 6:34pm
^ ah, you have it pretty good, my sister is a brother


Posted By: J-Man
Date Posted: 11 Jan 2011 at 6:42pm
^
LOL

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Check out my YouTube channel! http://www.youtube.com/user/demiseoftime" rel="nofollow - http://www.youtube.com/user/demiseoftime


Posted By: AtomicCrimsonRush
Date Posted: 08 Jun 2012 at 9:40am
Originally posted by AtomicCrimsonRush AtomicCrimsonRush wrote:

Stalk metal forums and annoy people by posting your sig over and over thusly
 
 
 
 
LOL My metal head avatar is appropriate for this forum dont u think?
 
AvatarAvatarAvatarAvatarAvatarAvatarAvatarAvatar
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that has to be annoying


Quote your most annoying post at least 6 times in one thread.


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GLAM METAL!


Posted By: SKwid
Date Posted: 08 Jun 2012 at 11:07am
Originally posted by Triceratopsoil Triceratopsoil wrote:

^ ah, you have it pretty good, my sister is a brother
SO IS MINE.
although we might be sisters.
we definatly have the hair for the part, if it wasnt for the dicks
 
 
6877. Quote other annoying posts, in pyramids
Originally posted by skwid skwid wrote:

Originally posted by skwid skwid wrote:

Originally posted by skwid skwid wrote:

Originally posted by skwid skwid wrote:

Originally posted by skwid skwid wrote:

Originally posted by skwid skwid wrote:

Originally posted by skwid skwid wrote:

Originally posted by skwid skwid wrote:

Originally posted by skwid skwid wrote:

Originally posted by skwid skwid wrote:

Originally posted by skwid skwid wrote:

Originally posted by skwid skwid wrote:

Originally posted by skwid skwid wrote:

Originally posted by skwid skwid wrote:

Originally posted by skwid skwid wrote:

Originally posted by skwid skwid wrote:

Originally posted by skwid skwid wrote:

Originally posted by skwid skwid wrote:

Originally posted by skwid skwid wrote:

Originally posted by skwid skwid wrote:

Originally posted by AtomicCrimsonRush AtomicCrimsonRush wrote:

Originally posted by AtomicCrimsonRush AtomicCrimsonRush wrote:

Stalk metal forums and annoy people by posting your sig over and over thusly
 
 
 
 
LOL My metal head avatar is appropriate for this forum dont u think?
 
AvatarAvatarAvatarAvatarAvatarAvatarAvatarAvatar
AvatarAvatarAvatarAvatarAvatarAvatarAvatar
AvatarAvatarAvatarAvatarAvatarAvatar
AvatarAvatarAvatarAvatarAvatar
AvatarAvatarAvatarAvatar
AvatarAvatarAvatar
AvatarAvatar
Avatar
 
that has to be annoying


Quote your most annoying post at least 6 times in one thread.


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Posted By: buttsled
Date Posted: 08 Jun 2012 at 12:51pm
I bought the new (at the time-Crucible) Halford and put it in the car's CD player on the way home from the store...
Ex-girlfriend's younger brother (with horrible taste): This is good! It sounds like Disturbed.
:(
 
 


Posted By: gav1230
Date Posted: 13 Jun 2012 at 11:31pm
This guy I know tried to say that Metallica was the first metal band Pinch 

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"If you tremble with indignation at every injustice, then you are a comrade of mine"
-Che Gueverra


Posted By: Sheavy
Date Posted: 14 Jun 2012 at 7:03am
Lol. Great stuff in this thread.
 
51. "No Metal band is melodic, it's just noise." (can't remeber how many times I've heard this one)
52. "Did these guys even practice before they played these songs?" (my mom talking about BTBAM's The Great Misdirect....)


Posted By: buttsled
Date Posted: 18 Jun 2012 at 2:52pm
I thought of another one...
 
"Ozzy Osbourne? Oh, that guy from the reality show?"


Posted By: SKwid
Date Posted: 18 Jun 2012 at 3:01pm

This has no structure (my power metal friend talking about death metal) Angry

and, "why do that even have lyrics, you cant even tell what they are saying".


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Posted By: Sheavy
Date Posted: 26 Jun 2012 at 1:54pm
Originally posted by SKwid SKwid wrote:

 

and, "why do that even have lyrics, you cant even tell what they are saying".
 
sometimes, i'd prefer they're not be lyrics, would make a lot of bands within the brutal death and goregrind, potentially, better by a tiny amount.


Posted By: DefinitionOfHatred
Date Posted: 26 Jun 2012 at 2:06pm
Originally posted by SKwid SKwid wrote:

This has no structure (my power metal friend talking about death metal) Angry
and, "why do that even have lyrics, you cant even tell what they are saying".
 
Not gonna lie. That pisses me off a lot.


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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.


Posted By: dtguitarfan
Date Posted: 26 Jun 2012 at 2:38pm
I can tell you what pisses me off as a Progressive Metalhead - when fans of other Progressive sub-genres say that Progressive Metal isn't really progressive.  Like it's ol' drunk-cousin-Bob-the-screw-up or something.  I have a theory that as far as Progressive music is going, these days Prog Metal is doing better on average (in the monetary sense, and as far as the number of new bands that pop up every year) than any other sub-genre...which, none of them are doing that well anyways so what does it matter, but still...

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http://tinyurl.com/cy43zzh" rel="nofollow - My 2012 List



Posted By: IMPF2112
Date Posted: 01 Oct 2012 at 6:42pm
From Encyclopedia Dramatica:

  • Tell them that metal is emo.
  • Tell them that you're happy Chuck Schuldiner/Cliff Burton/Ronnie James Dio/Randy Rhoads/whoever died, and reap the benefits.
  • Mention any christian/white/unblack metal band.
  • Vikings practiced homosexuality works perfectly among Western/Eastern European heavy metal fans.
  • Say that Deathcore is considered metal.
  • Ask someone wearing corpse paint which member of KISS he's supposed to be.
  • Say that Liturgy is the best black metal band ever.
  • Say the first metal song was written in a gay bar
  • 'Casually' mention that Iron Maiden are the shittiest band of all time (SRSLY, 'metalheads' go fucking crazy when this happens)
  • Mention how you always confuse Ozzy Osbourne and Donnie Osmond.
  • Mention any screamo band.
  • Refer to thrash metal as "trash metal".
  • Make fun of Jason Becker.
  • Ask what their opinion on Grunge is. If they say it is metal, say that they pulled most of their influences from Punk and Alternative music, and some had set out to destroy (successfully) the Pop Metal of the day. If they say it is not metal, ask them about Soundgarden, Alice in Chains and Tad. Bonus if Jesus Christ Pose by Soundgarden is brought out.
  • Tell them to bathe and cut their hair (try this over the Internet, as just listening to their screaming after this is a real fuck too much for any normal person.)(also, don't try this with nu-metalers, or Alternative metal heads, as they are most likely bald.)
  • Say Yngwie Malmsteen was a shoddy guitar player.
  • Make fun of Immortal.
  • Complain about goths and imply that they are one.
  • Make the peace sign with your hands instead of the metal horns at concerts (only for professional runners).
  • Accuse Slayer of stealing its name from that Buffy show (even though the Disney film they did steal their name from (Dragonslayer) is actually more embarassing).
  • Remind them that Metallica lost a Grammy to Jethro Tull for Best Metal Performance.
  • Tell them that all the black metal players stole their look from KISS, Arthur Brown and Alice Cooper.
  • Compliment their favorite band and agree with everything they say. Just WATCH their facial expressions.
  • 2 words: Limp Bizkit.
  • Ask why metal can't be more intelligent and thoughtful like Isis or Agalloch.
  • Compare every metal song you hear to DragonForce.
  • Tell them Cryptopsy's latest effort is their best yet.
  • Say that the majority of metal songs are just smashing power-chords. Then say that all metal bands always use power-chords.
  • Tell them "Primus sucks" and see if they get it.
  • Tell them that they're not real metalheads (if you're in a metalhead group).
  • Say Slipknot is the best metal band evar.
  • If they're Slipknot fans, make jokes about Paul Gray.
  • Say metalcore is the best.
  • Tell them that the Jonas Brothers are better than the bands that they like.
  • Show them what the Krautfags think of all this:
  • Tell them Necrophagist writes crappy music (say its too slow).
  • Tell them that Iron Butterfly was the first metal band.
  • Tell them Mike Portnoy chose Avenged Sevenfold over Dream Theater.
  • Say that Opeth writes simple music.
  • Talk shit about Kerry King.
  • Talk shit about Bruce Dickinson.
  • Say that System Of A Down are moar metal than Judass Priest
  • Tell them that Dimmu Borgir are satanic.
  • Say RIP The Rev and that he is the best drummer ever.
  • If they're gay for Manowar like most metal fans are, show them https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUWHiFUDWBwd" rel="nofollow - this video

And more specifically for Black Metal fans:
  • Tell them Slipknot is the most black metal band evar.
  • Say that Living Colour is the best Black metal Band ever.
  • Tell them at one point, their mother gave a wet, sloppy blowjob to their father. This has nothing to do with black metal, it's just a general way to fuck with someone.
  • Tell them that since Satan belongs to the Christian pantheon, that makes them actual Christians.
  • Ask them "If they're black metal, then why are they white?"
  • Tell them the only true black metal band is Mystifier.
  • Say Dimmu Borgir and Cradle of Filth are real black metal.
  • Tell them their pretend evilness looks really stupid on anyone over the age of 15.
  • Comment on how strikingly similar their facepaint looks to Insane Clown Posse.
  • Say Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears, or The Jonas Brothers are better than black metal, and they have the record sales to prove it.
  • Tell them Primus has the best bass ever, and that Black Metal could learn a thing or two from them.
  • Remark that Xasthur or Leviathan is emo.
  • Tell them Immortal is serious business.
  • Argue that all black metal is emo including Depressive Suicidal Black Metal.
  • Tell them that Happy Days, Deep-Pression and related are among your favorite DSBM bands.
  • Tell them that Varg got what was coming to him.
  • Tell them that Euronymous got what was coming to him.
  • Use words like kvlt, gr1m, frostbitten, tr00, and vnholy in Metal-Archives forums or any metal forums.
  • Remind them about how Gaahl came out of the closet.
  • If the above doesn't work, tell them King and Gaahl are Gorgoroth.
  • Ask them how they reconcile the everlasting darkness of their soul with the fact they work 10 hours a week at Cinnabon.
  • Tell them that the upside-down cross is a Christian symbol.
  • Tell them new Satyricon is better than old.
  • Say Frost is a bad drummer.
  • Say Blast beats take no talent.
  • Comment on how Black Metal vocals sound an awful lot like a 60 year old man taking a shit.
  • Ask if they're going to a Kiss concert if they're in make up.
  • Ask them if they know King Diamond. If they do, call them [#&@?!]s. If they don't, call them posers.
  • Tell them that Fuse is a mere copycat of MTV.
  • Also mention that Fuse is now shitting out more pop and rap music than metal music.


Posted By: Diogenes
Date Posted: 03 Oct 2012 at 11:15pm
Originally posted by dtguitarfan dtguitarfan wrote:

I can tell you what pisses me off as a Progressive Metalhead - when fans of other Progressive sub-genres say that Progressive Metal isn't really progressive.  Like it's ol' drunk-cousin-Bob-the-screw-up or something.  I have a theory that as far as Progressive music is going, these days Prog Metal is doing better on average (in the monetary sense, and as far as the number of new bands that pop up every year) than any other sub-genre...which, none of them are doing that well anyways so what does it matter, but still...


I've actually been thinking about this a lot lately (not much else to do while I'm sitting in traffic en route to college every day).  Like, what makes a progressive metal band or album progressive?  I can tell you for certain that if a band is copying Dream Theater or Fates Warning note-for-note and calling their music progressive just because the aforementioned bands are considered as such, well, I'd disagree with that.  If we try to assign the term "progressive metal" a criteria like "progressive metal usually features distorted guitars, long tracks, odd time signatures, and extended instrumental sections," then isn't that contradicting the idea of the music being progressive in the first place?  What boundaries are being pushed when some new band re-writes Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence for the 1,000th time?  I mean, that's gonna happen in any genre, but at least the Helloween clones aren't claiming that their "I Want Out" tributes are progressive.  Of course, this doesn't mean that the music can't still be good, and I realize I'm just arguing semantics and nobody wants to touch that can of worms, but it's just something I want to put out there.

Oh, and a lot of the people at Prog Archives are just as bad as the guys who run Metal Archives as far as pigeonholing and stubbornness go.


Posted By: dtguitarfan
Date Posted: 04 Oct 2012 at 6:06am
But here's the thing, Diogenes - you can't define a musical genre by such ambiguous terms as being "new".  PA doesn't even do they - they have a definition that they go by there, and it's written up http://www.progarchives.com/Progressive-rock.asp#definition" rel="nofollow - here.   Notice it mentions many of the same things you just mentioned - odd time signatures, extended instrumental sections, etc.  I think the most elegant definition of Progressive music was provided by Keith Emerson:
"It is music that does progress. It takes an idea and develops it, rather than just repeat it. Pop songs are about repetition and riffs and simplicity. Progressive music takes a riff, turns it inside out, plays it upside down and the other way around, and explores its potential."

The problem with defining the genre as "new" is this - NOTHING in music is new.  Unless you take it all the way back to the caveman Ug Nok Ok who was the first person to blow into a seashell, making the first notes, every piece of music has influences.  Actually, even Ug Nok Ok had influences!  He was influenced by the bird songs!  So even he was not doing anything "new"!

Actually, even using the word "progressive" outside of music doesn't work like that - for example: say I had a boss who strove to treat everyone equally, whether they be man or woman, white or black, born with the use of all of their limbs or handicapped.  You might say this boss was very progressive - does this mean that no boss in the history of ever has ever tried to treat all people under him/her equally?

Ok, off topic - sorry!  Getting off my soap box now.  Wink


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http://tinyurl.com/cy43zzh" rel="nofollow - My 2012 List



Posted By: Diogenes
Date Posted: 04 Oct 2012 at 3:17pm
Originally posted by dtguitarfan dtguitarfan wrote:

But here's the thing, Diogenes - you can't define a musical genre by such ambiguous terms as being "new".  PA doesn't even do they - they have a definition that they go by there, and it's written up http://www.progarchives.com/Progressive-rock.asp#definition" rel="nofollow - here.   Notice it mentions many of the same things you just mentioned - odd time signatures, extended instrumental sections, etc.  I think the most elegant definition of Progressive music was provided by Keith Emerson:
"It is music that does progress. It takes an idea and develops it, rather than just repeat it. Pop songs are about repetition and riffs and simplicity. Progressive music takes a riff, turns it inside out, plays it upside down and the other way around, and explores its potential."

The problem with defining the genre as "new" is this - NOTHING in music is new.  Unless you take it all the way back to the caveman Ug Nok Ok who was the first person to blow into a seashell, making the first notes, every piece of music has influences.  Actually, even Ug Nok Ok had influences!  He was influenced by the bird songs!  So even he was not doing anything "new"!

Actually, even using the word "progressive" outside of music doesn't work like that - for example: say I had a boss who strove to treat everyone equally, whether they be man or woman, white or black, born with the use of all of their limbs or handicapped.  You might say this boss was very progressive - does this mean that no boss in the history of ever has ever tried to treat all people under him/her equally?

Ok, off topic - sorry!  Getting off my soap box now.  Wink


All fair points-especially the bolded-but I never used the word "new" when talking about the genre itself.  Of course no music is going to be completely new and revolutionary.  But even when using your definition and Emerson's, I still can't help but feel that a lot of progressive metal bands have been mislabeled.  At some point, aren't those riffs going to be explored and turned inside out enough where those explorations aren't really fulfilling of the artist's intent?  I understand that the word "progressive" in this case means something totally different than it might elsewhere, but even in a genre classified as such, you're going to run into limits eventually regardless of what you define it as.  It's really a fascinating topic to think about.

Anyway, I can definitely tell you've had this conversation before!LOL


Posted By: Wilytank
Date Posted: 04 Oct 2012 at 3:36pm
Here's another issue with that: you can turn a riff inside out several times?  What happens when they do that so many times that it actually sounds more annoying than anything?  And believe me, that has happened already.

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Posted By: dtguitarfan
Date Posted: 04 Oct 2012 at 4:34pm
Originally posted by Wilytank Wilytank wrote:

Here's another issue with that: you can turn a riff inside out several times?  What happens when they do that so many times that it actually sounds more annoying than anything?  And believe me, that has happened already.

Oh, you must be talking about one of those Black Metal albums, right? 


THAT, my friends, is how you annoy a metalhead....


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http://tinyurl.com/cy43zzh" rel="nofollow - My 2012 List



Posted By: Jd_Wheels
Date Posted: 26 Dec 2012 at 3:04pm
What pisses me off as a Metal Musician... is that some in our scene think it is easier to play Doom Metal than other forms of metal.... that playing slower is a cop out to the runaway freight train styles that are more prevalent in metal today.  I gotta say that is not the case - and this really boils my ass.

As a Doom Metal Bassist/Guitarist for more years than what I want to admit to, I can tell you that the heavy acrid slowness of the whole genre of Doom Metal shows off any even a subtle mistakes in a very obvious way -  both in how you actually play it... not to mention how you put the whole song together as well.  Other styles of Metal you can hide some mistakes it a little better, yet when you rely on the melody like Doom does, it is harder to hide if you 'fuck up', or that the song was not arranged right.

Doom is pure emotion wrapped up in aggression... is that not what all Metal is based on?


Posted By: VX
Date Posted: 04 Feb 2013 at 10:18pm
Please be advised that the following methods and dark humor remarks are not to be taken seriously (though they should be said in the exact same way, even if they are incorrect, or make no sense at all).
And I can tell you from experience that some of them can REALLY piss off a die hard metal fan. Don`t believe me? try it! Wink

 Here`s how it goes... take a deep breath gentlemen .. And now...
I have found that the easiest way to piss off a COF fan is to mention Dani Filth and Ville Valo, the same sentence or reference. And, no, there is no logic in this. But it works every time. Though another good example to piss off a metal fan is to pretend to be dumb, and compare between Iron Maiden and Kamelot - claiming  that all British vocalists sound the same (even though Kamelot are not British), and that Bruce Dickinson should have called it quits after the "Brave New World" album. You can also add to that, that Roy Khan is a wannabe enlightened, totally washed up, Jesus freak, and a has been. That he should have stopped singing after "Karma". And you can top it off by saying that Tommy Karevik is nothing but a down-rated clone version of Khan who only joined Kamlot because his own band wasn't making enough money. You know - to support his drug habit. And if your into the hard stuff... you can also say that "In Flames" never should have made it past "Jester Race", and that bands like "Arch Enemy" are on the same level as "The Agonist". Same goes for "Nirvana" and "Nightwish". And if you wanna get down and dirty and start up a fight, you can always say that Dave Mustaine was better off doing drugs, and that Hetfield should go back to drinking. Just tell them: "what? do you really think that "Master Of Puppets" happened by accident?". And if your already on the subject of Metallica, be sure to point out that "S&M" was a mistake, and that Lars sounds and acts like an obnoxious little girl / midget person, hooked on a caffeine rush. You can also add that the only reason he that he and Kirk are still in the band, is because everyone is afraid of what may become them if they ever get kicked out. I mean, its not like their going to become music teachers, right? also. Don`t forget to say that Rob looks like he doesn't know how to read. And while your on the subject of discussing illiteracy and academic failures, don`t forget to point out Kirk`s again, and his impressive set of 5$ wigs. Oh. And, speaking of hair dues (or should I say, lack of them), don`t forget to come up with a coughed up story about why you are convinced that  David Draiman joined Disturbed only because of a Make a Wish foundation (you know, because he`s bold, and therefore, must have cancer). And if all of THIS hasn't worked for you... you can always say that you think that bands like "Bullet For My Valentine" and "Evanescence" are the proper future of heavy metal. Oh. And that Linkin Park sounds better today, and that Luca Turilli stopped giving a shit after "Dragon Force" (I know what your thinking. Wait for it). And than say: "No. Wait. Or was is "Dragon Flame" something? gosh. I can never tell. They always write about the same stuff and recycle the same ideas, anyhow. So why keep track? I mean... everyone knows that dragons are for pedophiles and that knights are for geeks. So why bother? "Rhapsody".. "Rhapsody Of Fire".. Was that name really that stupid, that they had to change it? its hard to tell. All those Tinkerbell looking bastards sound the same, anyway. "Symphony X" rejects, the lot of em. Though I will always find it amusing that "Rage" sound like Sonata Arctica, only on steroids. Wait! is that why "Unia" sucked? I dunno really. Though ive heard an odd claim that some people back in the early 80`s invented sub genres for death metal. You know, as if you could tell them apart. Though regardless Ive always loved the name `melodic death metal`. I think that its a very cute and progressive idea. I love it how those `noise artists` add keys or some harmonies, tune everything on drop B or C, then add a million types of the same distortion to everything, and  then call it it melodic. Its like taking a shit on a an already blank piece of paper, and then calling it a Picasso. Its like watching a redneck discovering an abortion clinic - its priceless!"

And!... no. I think that`s enough.
These are just bad jokes, most of which I made up on the spot.
Please don`t stone me lol.


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www.soundcloud.com/voiceex


Posted By: Psydye
Date Posted: 10 Nov 2013 at 10:28pm
12. Use the phrase "cookie monster vocals" and act like it's the funniest, most original thing you've ever come up with. 

Lol guilty... I say it all the time despite how much death metal I like!


Posted By: evilneverdies
Date Posted: 14 Nov 2013 at 6:07am
If someone plays a autotuned song in the radio...Grahhh!
Daft Punk...Robin Thicke....shit like that..


Posted By: Psydye
Date Posted: 29 Dec 2013 at 11:56pm
Originally posted by Morningrise Morningrise wrote:


36. Turn the bass way up on their stereo. 
I'll be honest I would so do this! I'm a bit of a basshead so I'd enjoy it, but to see their reaction would be priceless!!LOL


Posted By: ProgMetaller2112
Date Posted: 28 Aug 2014 at 10:30pm
Originally posted by Morningrise Morningrise wrote:

1. Tell them every metal band worships the devil
2. Ask if all black metal bands are trying to copy KISS or just most of them. 
3. Hide their joint under their library card. 
4. Ask if they know of any other cool bands like Slipknot. 
5. If they're listening to metal, tell them it sounds like some mainstream band. Doesn't matter who. 
6. Say it's all a ripoff of Iron Butterfly anyway. 
7. Ask if they've given their souls to Jesus yet. 
8. Vaguely imply that you're gay and would like their company for the evening. 
9. Record over their Cannibal Corpse albums with other Cannibal Corpse albums and see if they ever notice the difference. 
10. Refuse to accept their fake I.D. 
11. Ask how much Dio got paid for his role as Stuart Little. 
12. Use the phrase "cookie monster vocals" and act like it's the funniest, most original thing you've ever come up with. 
13. If they're listening to metal, tell them "These guys don't have talent. Now (insert any mainstream band here), those guys have talent!" 
14. Say "What is vinyl?" 
15. Point out how homosexual Manowar is. If they agree, tell them the only thing more homosexual is Black Sabbath with Dio. 
16. Tell them it all sounds the same. 
17. Admit that Cliff Burton was a dirty hippy who had already peaked musically. 
18. If they say they love 80s metal, ask them what ever happened to Poison. 
19. Tell them you like underground music too, like (insert the newest overhyped fashionable loud-ish band from the radio) 
20. Point out that Tarja from Nightwish can't sing. 
21. Insist that Emperor videos would be better if they used a dance troupe. 
22. Ask if Mayhem is Marilyn Manson's band. 
23. Divert their CD shipments to the local Jewish community center. 
24. Write "God Loves You" on their Venom backpatch. 
25. Point out that just about every genre of music has an underground with bands who have integrity, so metal really isn't that unique. 
26. Post under their nickname on a power metal board and say Ray Alder nutss all over John Arch. 
27. Take out the Iron Maiden disc and put in 50 Cent. 
28. Give them a spiky pop-punk haircut while they sleep. 
29. Pronounce "Celtic Frost" correctly. 
30. If they're over 25, say that people can still rock even if they have an unplanned child or two and drive a grocery getter. Then point and laugh. 
31. Tell them you're not hiring and to try the other Cinnabon down the street. 
32. Sit quietly and applaud politely at a metal show. 
33. Make them be sober for five whole seconds. 
34. Ask if Randy Rhoads was on the same flight as John Denver. 
35. Tell them Korn brought metal back to life in the 90s. 
36. Turn the bass way up on their stereo. 
37. Laugh at Slayer for stealing their name from the Buffy show. 
38. Call Doro fat. 
39. Call them on their horrible grammar and/or spelling. 
40. Remind them that metal is partially derived from the blues. Then accuse them of being w**ggers. 
41. Use the phrase "balls in a vice" at least three times when talking about classic metal and/or power metal vocalists. 
42. If it's a guy with long hair, address him as if he were female. Don't correct yourself about it. 
43 .Be impressed with how much RoadRunner Records has improved over the past ten years. 
44. Say you love Metallica's debut, The Black Album. 
45. Notice that Lemmy hasn't moved his left hand in 30 years of playing bass. 
46. Refer to metal as "that kill-your-father rape-your-mother stuff." 
47. Ask them if their favorite band is so good, how come nobody has ever heard of them. 
48. Pine for the good old days when Pour Some Sugar On Me was a big hit. 
49. Tell them you used to be a metalhead, but grew out of it when you started listening to more intellectual stuff like (insert any band at all here) 
50. Post a list of "Ways To Annoy Metal Fans" knowing full well that so many of them internalize everything and can't take a joke.
 
Can you come up with another ways??
 

LOLClap


1. Talk sh@@ about Slayer
2. Talk sh@@ about Sabbath
3. Tell them that Metal is Emo
4. Talk sh@@ about Maiden
5. Tell them Prog Metal is not Prog
6. Tell them that Metal sucks
7. Tell them that Metal is for low-lifes,cokeheads,losers
8. Tell them that Grunge is Metal
9. Tell them that 50 Cent can write better music



-------------
"Before you see the light you must die!!!!!!!!!!" - Slayer

"Today is born the seventh one, born of woman, the seventh son" - Steve Harris



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