50 Ways To Annoy A Metalhead |
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ProgMetaller2112
Forum Senior Member Joined: 19 Jan 2013 Location: Pacoima,CA,USA Status: Offline Points: 2490 |
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Posted: 28 Aug 2014 at 10:30pm |
1. Talk sh@@ about Slayer 2. Talk sh@@ about Sabbath 3. Tell them that Metal is Emo 4. Talk sh@@ about Maiden 5. Tell them Prog Metal is not Prog 6. Tell them that Metal sucks 7. Tell them that Metal is for low-lifes,cokeheads,losers 8. Tell them that Grunge is Metal 9. Tell them that 50 Cent can write better music Edited by ProgMetaller2112 - 28 Aug 2014 at 10:43pm |
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"Before you see the light you must die!!!!!!!!!!" - Slayer
"Today is born the seventh one, born of woman, the seventh son" - Steve Harris |
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Psydye
Forum Senior Member Joined: 22 Jan 2013 Location: PA, USA Status: Offline Points: 12519 |
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I'll be honest I would so do this! I'm a bit of a basshead so I'd enjoy it, but to see their reaction would be priceless!!
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evilneverdies
Forum Newbie Joined: 24 Mar 2013 Location: austria Status: Offline Points: 37 |
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If someone plays a autotuned song in the radio...Grahhh!
Daft Punk...Robin Thicke....shit like that.. |
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Psydye
Forum Senior Member Joined: 22 Jan 2013 Location: PA, USA Status: Offline Points: 12519 |
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12. Use the phrase "cookie monster vocals" and act like it's the funniest, most original thing you've ever come up with.
Lol guilty... I say it all the time despite how much death metal I like!
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VX
Forum Newbie Joined: 03 Feb 2013 Location: Switzerland Status: Offline Points: 17 |
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Please be advised that the following methods and dark humor remarks are not to be taken seriously (though they should be said in the exact same way, even if they are incorrect, or make no sense at all).
And I can tell you from experience that some of them can REALLY piss off a die hard metal fan. Don`t believe me? try it! Here`s how it goes... take a deep breath gentlemen .. And now... I have found that the easiest way to piss off a COF fan is to mention Dani Filth and Ville Valo, the same sentence or reference. And, no, there is no logic in this. But it works every time. Though another good example to piss off a metal fan is to pretend to be dumb, and compare between Iron Maiden and Kamelot - claiming that all British vocalists sound the same (even though Kamelot are not British), and that Bruce Dickinson should have called it quits after the "Brave New World" album. You can also add to that, that Roy Khan is a wannabe enlightened, totally washed up, Jesus freak, and a has been. That he should have stopped singing after "Karma". And you can top it off by saying that Tommy Karevik is nothing but a down-rated clone version of Khan who only joined Kamlot because his own band wasn't making enough money. You know - to support his drug habit. And if your into the hard stuff... you can also say that "In Flames" never should have made it past "Jester Race", and that bands like "Arch Enemy" are on the same level as "The Agonist". Same goes for "Nirvana" and "Nightwish". And if you wanna get down and dirty and start up a fight, you can always say that Dave Mustaine was better off doing drugs, and that Hetfield should go back to drinking. Just tell them: "what? do you really think that "Master Of Puppets" happened by accident?". And if your already on the subject of Metallica, be sure to point out that "S&M" was a mistake, and that Lars sounds and acts like an obnoxious little girl / midget person, hooked on a caffeine rush. You can also add that the only reason he that he and Kirk are still in the band, is because everyone is afraid of what may become them if they ever get kicked out. I mean, its not like their going to become music teachers, right? also. Don`t forget to say that Rob looks like he doesn't know how to read. And while your on the subject of discussing illiteracy and academic failures, don`t forget to point out Kirk`s again, and his impressive set of 5$ wigs. Oh. And, speaking of hair dues (or should I say, lack of them), don`t forget to come up with a coughed up story about why you are convinced that David Draiman joined Disturbed only because of a Make a Wish foundation (you know, because he`s bold, and therefore, must have cancer). And if all of THIS hasn't worked for you... you can always say that you think that bands like "Bullet For My Valentine" and "Evanescence" are the proper future of heavy metal. Oh. And that Linkin Park sounds better today, and that Luca Turilli stopped giving a shit after "Dragon Force" (I know what your thinking. Wait for it). And than say: "No. Wait. Or was is "Dragon Flame" something? gosh. I can never tell. They always write about the same stuff and recycle the same ideas, anyhow. So why keep track? I mean... everyone knows that dragons are for pedophiles and that knights are for geeks. So why bother? "Rhapsody".. "Rhapsody Of Fire".. Was that name really that stupid, that they had to change it? its hard to tell. All those Tinkerbell looking bastards sound the same, anyway. "Symphony X" rejects, the lot of em. Though I will always find it amusing that "Rage" sound like Sonata Arctica, only on steroids. Wait! is that why "Unia" sucked? I dunno really. Though ive heard an odd claim that some people back in the early 80`s invented sub genres for death metal. You know, as if you could tell them apart. Though regardless Ive always loved the name `melodic death metal`. I think that its a very cute and progressive idea. I love it how those `noise artists` add keys or some harmonies, tune everything on drop B or C, then add a million types of the same distortion to everything, and then call it it melodic. Its like taking a shit on a an already blank piece of paper, and then calling it a Picasso. Its like watching a redneck discovering an abortion clinic - its priceless!" And!... no. I think that`s enough. These are just bad jokes, most of which I made up on the spot. Please don`t stone me lol. Edited by VX - 04 Feb 2013 at 11:44pm |
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www.soundcloud.com/voiceex
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Jd_Wheels
Forum Newbie Joined: 23 Oct 2012 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 21 |
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What pisses me off as a Metal Musician... is that some in our scene think it is easier to play Doom Metal than other forms of metal.... that playing slower is a cop out to the runaway freight train styles that are more prevalent in metal today. I gotta say that is not the case - and this really boils my ass.
As a Doom Metal Bassist/Guitarist for more years than what I want to admit to, I can tell you that the heavy acrid slowness of the whole genre of Doom Metal shows off any even a subtle mistakes in a very obvious way - both in how you actually play it... not to mention how you put the whole song together as well. Other styles of Metal you can hide some mistakes it a little better, yet when you rely on the melody like Doom does, it is harder to hide if you 'fuck up', or that the song was not arranged right. Doom is pure emotion wrapped up in aggression... is that not what all Metal is based on?
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dtguitarfan
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Oh, you must be talking about one of those Black Metal albums, right? THAT, my friends, is how you annoy a metalhead.... |
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Wilytank
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Here's another issue with that: you can turn a riff inside out several times? What happens when they do that so many times that it actually sounds more annoying than anything? And believe me, that has happened already.
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Diogenes
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All fair points-especially the bolded-but I never used the word "new" when talking about the genre itself. Of course no music is going to be completely new and revolutionary. But even when using your definition and Emerson's, I still can't help but feel that a lot of progressive metal bands have been mislabeled. At some point, aren't those riffs going to be explored and turned inside out enough where those explorations aren't really fulfilling of the artist's intent? I understand that the word "progressive" in this case means something totally different than it might elsewhere, but even in a genre classified as such, you're going to run into limits eventually regardless of what you define it as. It's really a fascinating topic to think about. Anyway, I can definitely tell you've had this conversation before! Edited by Diogenes - 04 Oct 2012 at 3:17pm |
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dtguitarfan
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But here's the thing, Diogenes - you can't define a musical genre by such ambiguous terms as being "new". PA doesn't even do they - they have a definition that they go by there, and it's written up here. Notice it mentions many of the same things you just mentioned - odd time signatures, extended instrumental sections, etc. I think the most elegant definition of Progressive music was provided by Keith Emerson:
"It is music that does progress. It takes an idea and develops it, rather than just repeat it. Pop songs are about repetition and riffs and simplicity. Progressive music takes a riff, turns it inside out, plays it upside down and the other way around, and explores its potential." The problem with defining the genre as "new" is this - NOTHING in music is new. Unless you take it all the way back to the caveman Ug Nok Ok who was the first person to blow into a seashell, making the first notes, every piece of music has influences. Actually, even Ug Nok Ok had influences! He was influenced by the bird songs! So even he was not doing anything "new"! Actually, even using the word "progressive" outside of music doesn't work like that - for example: say I had a boss who strove to treat everyone equally, whether they be man or woman, white or black, born with the use of all of their limbs or handicapped. You might say this boss was very progressive - does this mean that no boss in the history of ever has ever tried to treat all people under him/her equally? Ok, off topic - sorry! Getting off my soap box now. |
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Diogenes
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I've actually been thinking about this a lot lately (not much else to do while I'm sitting in traffic en route to college every day). Like, what makes a progressive metal band or album progressive? I can tell you for certain that if a band is copying Dream Theater or Fates Warning note-for-note and calling their music progressive just because the aforementioned bands are considered as such, well, I'd disagree with that. If we try to assign the term "progressive metal" a criteria like "progressive metal usually features distorted guitars, long tracks, odd time signatures, and extended instrumental sections," then isn't that contradicting the idea of the music being progressive in the first place? What boundaries are being pushed when some new band re-writes Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence for the 1,000th time? I mean, that's gonna happen in any genre, but at least the Helloween clones aren't claiming that their "I Want Out" tributes are progressive. Of course, this doesn't mean that the music can't still be good, and I realize I'm just arguing semantics and nobody wants to touch that can of worms, but it's just something I want to put out there. Oh, and a lot of the people at Prog Archives are just as bad as the guys who run Metal Archives as far as pigeonholing and stubbornness go. |
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IMPF2112
Forum Senior Member Joined: 24 Mar 2012 Status: Offline Points: 1386 |
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From Encyclopedia Dramatica:
And more specifically for Black Metal fans:
Edited by IMPF2112 - 01 Oct 2012 at 6:43pm |
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dtguitarfan
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I can tell you what pisses me off as a Progressive Metalhead - when fans of other Progressive sub-genres say that Progressive Metal isn't really progressive. Like it's ol' drunk-cousin-Bob-the-screw-up or something. I have a theory that as far as Progressive music is going, these days Prog Metal is doing better on average (in the monetary sense, and as far as the number of new bands that pop up every year) than any other sub-genre...which, none of them are doing that well anyways so what does it matter, but still...
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DefinitionOfHatred
Forum Senior Member Joined: 14 Jan 2012 Location: Portugal Status: Offline Points: 120 |
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Not gonna lie. That pisses me off a lot.
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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.
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Sheavy
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sometimes, i'd prefer they're not be lyrics, would make a lot of bands within the brutal death and goregrind, potentially, better by a tiny amount.
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SKwid
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This has no structure (my power metal friend talking about death metal) and, "why do that even have lyrics, you cant even tell what they are saying". Edited by SKwid - 18 Jun 2012 at 3:07pm |
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buttsled
Forum Groupie Joined: 21 Oct 2011 Location: Vermont Status: Offline Points: 91 |
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I thought of another one...
"Ozzy Osbourne? Oh, that guy from the reality show?"
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Sheavy
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Lol. Great stuff in this thread.
51. "No Metal band is melodic, it's just noise." (can't remeber how many times I've heard this one) 52. "Did these guys even practice before they played these songs?" (my mom talking about BTBAM's The Great Misdirect....)
Edited by Sheavy - 14 Jun 2012 at 7:04am |
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gav1230
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This guy I know tried to say that Metallica was the first metal band
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"If you tremble with indignation at every injustice, then you are a comrade of mine"
-Che Gueverra |
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buttsled
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I bought the new (at the time-Crucible) Halford and put it in the car's CD player on the way home from the store...
Ex-girlfriend's younger brother (with horrible taste): This is good! It sounds like Disturbed.
:(
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