CHILDREN OF BODOM — Are You Dead Yet? (review)

CHILDREN OF BODOM — Are You Dead Yet? album cover Album · 2005 · Melodic Death Metal Buy this album from MMA partners
2/5 ·
Vim Fuego
Coming soon to an elevator near you, Children of Bodom in ‘Are You Dead Yet?’ starring Alex “Wildchild” Laiho and a bunch of other guys no one ever remembers or really gives a fuck about.

What the fuck is the point of this album? Anyone who has followed Laiho knows what a virtuoso he can be, but why would anyone bother to learn to play the guitar and then produce banal, formulaic slop like this? Bodomites (notice how that conveniently rhymes with Sodomites) will be lapping this up, but in metal terms it’s like supermarket muzak, bereft of anything even slightly edgy, over-produced and polished to the point where the shine overpowers the music. The songs are virtually interchangeable with each other, or even with those from any other Bodom album. It’s lamer than a one-legged leper with gangrene and terminal athlete’s foot.

This album has fucking keyboard solos on it, for fuck’s sake. The remedial English class lyrical puns are still included too, with clever titles like ‘Bastards of Bodom’ and the oft-abused quote ‘If You Want Peace...Prepare for War’. This is like Europe with Jonny Hedlund from Unleashed on vocals, except Europe have bigger balls and Jonny would know better. This is a metal album by weight of dictionary definition only.

If anyone recommends you this album, smack them heartily around the head and get yourself something heavier.
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