50 Ways To Annoy A Metalhead

UMUR wrote: I love it. Especially the one about Roadrunner Records. What a loss   Well I�m annoyed by people who get annoyed at me for participating in moshpits at metal concerts. So I guess a sentence like this would pretty much piss me off: "please stand still I�m trying to enjoy the music" It�s muscle, sweat and a little good friendly violence and people who don�t understand that part of ( well especially extreme metal cultures) just don�t belong at extreme metal shows. Go to the back and enjoy the music if you�re afraid to get hurt.

It's funny you think that, because I lost part of my enjoyment at an Opeth concert because people were moshing. I absolutely can't stand it. You're supposed to go to a concert to enjoy the live experience (the focus being the music), not beat the sh*t out of other people.

I feel just as strongly about it, only in the opposite direction.

The one thing that annoys me the most is when people call Metal music Screamo because of harsh vocals. Really, do Shade Empire sound like frickin' Shikari to you?

The T 666 wrote: NJCat_11 wrote: Great list!   How about when your girlfriend says that Miley Cirus is a better singer than Rob Halford. When has Halford been a mentor for anybody???

Only for about 35 years in every country around the world! 

51 - Miley Cyrus writes better metal lyrics that every metal band ever

"8. Vaguely imply that you're gay and would like their company for the evening."



^ like him the vocalist in Gorgoroth

I love it. Especially the one about Roadrunner Records. What a loss

1. Tell them every metal band worships the devil. 
2. Ask if all black metal bands are trying to copy KISS or just most of them. 
3. Hide their joint under their library card. 
4. Ask if they know of any other cool bands like Slipknot. 
5. If they're listening to metal, tell them it sounds like some mainstream band. Doesn't matter who. 
6. Say it's all a ripoff of Iron Butterfly anyway. 
7. Ask if they've given their souls to Jesus yet. 
8. Vaguely imply that you're gay and would like their company for the evening. 
9. Record over their Cannibal Corpse albums with other Cannibal Corpse albums and see if they ever notice the difference. 
10. Refuse to accept their fake I.D. 
11. Ask how much Dio got paid for his role as Stuart Little. 
12. Use the phrase "cookie monster vocals" and act like it's the funniest, most original thing you've ever come up with. 
13. If they're listening to metal, tell them "These guys don't have talent. Now (insert any mainstream band here), those guys have talent!" 
14. Say "What is vinyl?" 
15. Point out how homosexual Manowar is. If they agree, tell them the only thing more homosexual is Black Sabbath with Dio. 
16. Tell them it all sounds the same. 
17. Admit that Cliff Burton was a dirty hippy who had already peaked musically. 
18. If they say they love 80s metal, ask them what ever happened to Poison. 
19. Tell them you like underground music too, like (insert the newest overhyped fashionable loud-ish band from the radio) 
20. Point out that Tarja from Nightwish can't sing. 
21. Insist that Emperor videos would be better if they used a dance troupe. 
22. Ask if Mayhem is Marilyn Manson's band. 
23. Divert their CD shipments to the local Jewish community center. 
24. Write "God Loves You" on their Venom backpatch. 
25. Point out that just about every genre of music has an underground with bands who have integrity, so metal really isn't that unique. 
26. Post under their nickname on a power metal board and say Ray Alder nutss all over John Arch. 
27. Take out the Iron Maiden disc and put in 50 Cent. 
28. Give them a spiky pop-punk haircut while they sleep. 
29. Pronounce "Celtic Frost" correctly. 
30. If they're over 25, say that people can still rock even if they have an unplanned child or two and drive a grocery getter. Then point and laugh. 
31. Tell them you're not hiring and to try the other Cinnabon down the street. 
32. Sit quietly and applaud politely at a metal show. 
33. Make them be sober for five whole seconds. 
34. Ask if Randy Rhoads was on the same flight as John Denver. 
35. Tell them Korn brought metal back to life in the 90s. 
36. Turn the bass way up on their stereo. 
37. Laugh at Slayer for stealing their name from the Buffy show. 
38. Call Doro fat. 
39. Call them on their horrible grammar and/or spelling. 
40. Remind them that metal is partially derived from the blues. Then accuse them of being w**ggers. 
41. Use the phrase "balls in a vice" at least three times when talking about classic metal and/or power metal vocalists. 
42. If it's a guy with long hair, address him as if he were female. Don't correct yourself about it. 
43 .Be impressed with how much RoadRunner Records has improved over the past ten years. 
44. Say you love Metallica's debut, The Black Album. 
45. Notice that Lemmy hasn't moved his left hand in 30 years of playing bass. 
46. Refer to metal as "that kill-your-father rape-your-mother stuff." 
47. Ask them if their favorite band is so good, how come nobody has ever heard of them. 
48. Pine for the good old days when Pour Some Sugar On Me was a big hit. 
49. Tell them you used to be a metalhead, but grew out of it when you started listening to more intellectual stuff like (insert any band at all here) 
50. Post a list of "Ways To Annoy Metal Fans" knowing full well that so many of them internalize everything and can't take a joke.